Constant Schizophrenia

2008-03-03T14:55:00.007+05:30

TASTE OF BILE

I could have talked about other senses. About what looks the most realistic, what sounds most peaceful, what feels to your fingertips the most accepting. Yet I choose to talk about taste. Not to be different, as usual (contradictory and dual meaning intended); but because I realized right now, after I puked that it was one taste in mouth that was certain, universal. It didn't change with what I had. It didn't alter to my liking of the precursor. It didn't care about the cause. But it was there. Not produced, but existing within Ready to come out at the call of disaster.

The way my mouth tastes; exactly the same way it has every time I've puked. That taste has a feeling of disaster, vulnerability, monstrosity, carelessness passing by you. Remnescent of not what wrong you did (or had in this case) but what it has left of you. Its like a voice of purity within; wiping the tastes of deeds and estblishing its own. Or if not purity then atleast personality within. Reaction to unacceptable. Reaction to denial. Reaction to greed. Reaction to pretence. Reaction to recklessness. Reaction to LIE. Lingering on your tongue. Reminding you to be aware of it, if not careful, next time. Because thats the only certainty you can assume. Not how or why will it come, but what it would be or what it would leave when it does come.

Bile...........

(Is that why Science of Ayurveda considers Pitta i.e. bile to be part of Human Nature?)

Gladiator

2008-02-16T11:01:00.004+05:30

To Dhimoy Da

Consciencs in the coma
its getting worse.
Thoughts getting strayed
is it unforgiven curse!
Fabricated dreams, sustained violence
Cold blood, vague visions;
Shadows of old sins...
Show the Sun to me,
show me the green grass..
smoke in the house,
shall I break down the glass...
I have surrendered,
I have taken the disease.
Nightmares getting darker,
help me rest in peace.

2007-07-18T10:17:00.001+05:30

The Battle Begins

When I'll die
In a place so high
I will survive
in the burning sky.

My blood is shed
my strngth is gone.
I look for a home
where I belong.

It rains so heavy
its been so dark.
My burning scar
is my victory mark.

Bound by the spell
and I don't know whose.
Fighting a war that I can not lose.

I refuse to leave,
I refuse to lose.
But the forseen end,
I can't refuse.

I ill kill you,
or shall i die
Or meet those gone,
who make me cry.

I will face you,
we'll end it then.
Destinies will strike,
but I don't know when.

Look out for death,
look out for me.
There won't be an end
for you to see.

Harry James Potter to Tom Morvolo Riddle

Lone Bird

2007-07-02T09:41:00.000+05:30

All the things of the past,
All the things that are done;
it dawned on me at last,
there ain't no way but to run.

Through blood & fog, see the flag,
bargain your soul for a gun.
Smoke won't blind you no more,
all bullets are spent but one.

Its easy to turn & leave,
or die, standing head held high.
Sun blazing azure dome,
lone bird singing battle cry.

Sudden smile spread on the face
like a bolt shines up the sky.
Lone bird whistles a secret,
through wind thats passing by.

Just load the gun one last time,
feel the barrel, steel and cold.
Close your eyes for the dream,
you let your soul behold.

Its just your bullet in your head,
soul on wings goes soaring high.
Lonely & free I lived, all along,
and thats how I had to die.

I'll Let U Be..

2007-06-24T16:38:00.000+05:30

I let u mess around with me
I let u have it ur way.
I let u hurt me so easy,
I let u, just let u get away.

I think i've learnt my lesson;
at least I like to think so.
I've been trying so hard for so long,
still haven't learnt how to say NO.

I let u run, let u play,
break the glass on window.
I let u rain, let u shine,
let u drag me, walking shadow.

I let u jump, let u bleed,
let u come running, u had to cry.
I let u smile, let u hide,
let u ignore me standing by.

Not any more; no, not any more.
I won't be around,
I won't open the door,
No, not any more.

I'll let u fail, let u forget.
I'll let u frown & let u wait.
I'll let u turn your eyes away from me;
My anguish, kick hard; I'll just let u be.

MATURITY

2007-06-03T01:27:00.000+05:30

Maturity does not necessarily mean understanding. Maturity means acceptance. Not think, but KNOW the nature of existence. Not hope but appreciate that nothing, NOTHING that happens to you is ever personal. Maturity means identifying with how insignificant yet relevant your actions could and should be. It means identifying your own ground to stand without support. It means to judge yourself, not in eyes of others, but in your own.
But its not a thing that will necessarily lead you to peace of mind.

Ramblings... Blah Blah Blah...

2007-06-03T01:12:00.000+05:30

Falling in Love is the most sensible selfish act and yet maximally & miserably misunderstood as selfless.
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Wanting people to listen, you can't tap them on shoulder anymore. You got to hit them wit a sledgehamer & then you will notice you have got their complete attention.
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GOD gave us an apple and he said don't touch it.
He didn't say touch it once in a while;
He didn't say nibble on it if you get hungry;
He said DON'T FUCKIN TOUCH IT.
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I think sarcasm is well past female understanding. Or maybe since female existance itself is the most sarcastic thing, any other wordly or behavioral sarcastic act in front of them is kind of meaningless.
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You don't put a loaded gun on the stage unless you intend one of the characters to kill. Because otherwise you are stupid.
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Everyone should have atleast one place where he is not alowed to go.
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YOU

2007-06-03T01:08:00.000+05:30

Biting lips, eyes wide open, face veiled behind curls..
There you stand, with hope in every breath..
Those eyes.. you can’t fool everyone with the normal look.
Those fingers, steady they may seem, but ya ;
Someone knows they are dying to be held..
Was it you whispering, asking me to come,
Or I just saw you once more, as you are, without pretences..
Do you live the lie of happiness willingly?
Or that’s what you have been tought?
To Live, because you have to,
To Lie, for truth is unbearable…
You wake up every morning with smile on your face,
More assuring than morning sunshine..
But you can’t deceive me. Your bed tells the whole night’s story..
No I don’t want to pity you; I wouldn’t know how to do that.
No I can’t Love you, I can’t rise so fast…
But I see you, as you are; unlike others…
and I agree that your road is lonely & I can’t be your partner…
But I’ll tell you a little secret,
about the door you didn’t know existed.
Which will bring you right besides me..
you may come, you may not… Hell; doors don’t anticipate…

I can not be your redemption,
But I’ll remind you of salvation within.

Battle

2007-05-30T22:05:00.000+05:30

Waiting for that moment of miracle,
we forget the essence of miracle.
Miracle comes by,
We; too ignorant to seek it.
The morning forth, waking up;
we curse the almighty that
our life has no miracles...
To that Almighty answers.. "Hope"
and then again..
We are waiting for that moment of miracle.
................Ami Misra

But miracles don't exist,
Life goes on.
Our gift, our curse;
this is where we belong.
For hope with you, or far;
You must live.
Not just hold on,
but fight and believe.
Look straight in
eyes of burning Sun,
vow that you shall never run.
..We are no mere fighters;
We are Survivors....
.........................Aaditya

Bicycle Song

2007-05-29T21:29:00.000+05:30

I whistle
I whistle
on my Bicycle.
I'm no kid,
stil I need,
ride on my Bicycle.

Sex and Parties.. Please don't say.
Rum and Vodka.... Please don't say.
Smoke and Cigarettes.. Oh..Please..Don't..Say..

Tie and a White shirt.. is all I need.
Good grades, Black Robe.. is all I need
A girl to Kiss.. is all I need.
One home to return.. is all.. I'll ever.. need.

Oh I've grown up.. little too fast.
But all that shines.. is not gonna last.
I search the garage for my old toys;
but all thats there is, some drunk boys..
I don't know them, I don't know me.
I don't know where I got to be.

but stil,
I whistle
I whistle
On my Bicycle.
In my dream, loud I scream
On my Bicycle.
I'm no kid
stil I need
Just one.. ride.. on my Bicycle.

Choice

2007-05-29T20:27:00.000+05:30

What is more Important? What you see or what you believe? And answer is not simple, because this is not a movie. If one day, Morpheus is actually sitting on a chair across the table with Blue and Red tablets with one in each hand; will you, not Neo, but YOU with your Genes, Parents, Environment, Upbringing, Friends, all that is yours and unique, actually pick up the tablet or try to wake up from the dream? Will you believe that you are an entity destined to do something you never imagined but always dreamed of or you will you believe the psychatrist who says you are a schizophrenic and take his fucking medicines to stay in this mediocre but apparently real world?
Choice is hard, isn't it?

Child of Pain

2007-05-29T19:42:00.000+05:30

With all my Grace gone,
All my aura just falling down,
watching me; helpless Angels,
given up on me; Almighty.
Here I am,
here I am with my tears.
All the color vanishing by my sight,
all the valor fading into the night
One spark that I behold
I can not save
One life I was foretold,
is now empty grave.
Venom that my blood bears
Love it was called;
Death my life shares,
hope was its name.
All is Dark,
all is gone;
But I shall linger here,
for I was born;
Child of Pain,
thats my truth.